Satisfied

Because of the generosity of families at my school, I had a decent chunk of money to spend on myself for Christmas. So I started a list of things I needed. Top of the list was clothing – I’ve lost weight and most of my work slacks are falling off of me (which is a good problem to have, of course). Courtney, my fashion-forward friend who helps me not look stupid, told me where to shop, and I picked up some goodies.

After that, though, I had a hard time thinking of what else I might want to spend this money on. At one point, I grabbed a shopping cart at Walmart and just started walking through aisles, looking for anything that might jump out at me.

And nothing jumped. Which was weird. 

I don’t shop much in stores anymore. Most of my purchases come from Amazon because it’s so easy. Also, the pandemic opened the door to curbside pickup for stuff I need to buy locally, and I’ve become a big fan. It's great to be able to just pull up in a parking spot and have someone bring my purchases out to the car for me. I don't even have to put presentable clothes on before I leave the house. Love it.

And yet, I have fond memories of my young adult years, strolling through a Walmart or Target, or any store really, and my eyes and heart being pulled to all sorts of random items that I was tempted to put in the cart.

Not anymore. And y’all, that is weird.

I remember my mother as she got older commenting on the clutter she would see at other people’s houses when she visited. “It’s just more to dust,” she said. I kind of cocked my head at that. Okay. Whatever.

I totally get it now. You’re right, mom. I don’t want all that stuff either.

But it’s not about the dusting. It’s just about the having.

As I’ve gradually gone through piles and piles of boxes in storage for the last few years, I keep finding possessions that were incredibly important to me at some point in my life. I REALLY, REALLY wanted this thing and was so excited to get it!! I put it on my Christmas list saying, “This! This knick-knack! This new prettier version! This seemingly handy devise! Please please please!”

And now? It's all been sitting in a box behind a bunch of other boxes for years, and I don’t know what in the world I was thinking.

There’s more: I am finding myself getting annoyed as all get-out at advertising. All of it. The effort being made to make me feel a need for (or at least a desire for) something they have to sell me.

Because the thing is, it used to work! Like, I used to see ads for skin care items and think, yeah, I need that fancy cream. They're right -- my skin tone is SO uneven. Now? Pfft. Slap some Covergirl on my face, and if anyone doesn’t like the result, that’s their problem.

I don’t need the stuff. I seriously don’t want the stuff. And I can’t figure out exactly how I got to this place.

But I've got to say, I’m grateful to be here. There’s a burden lifted when I want only what I need. That quality certainly isn’t perfected in me yet, but boy, it’s nice to have evidence that God is actually still doing that good work in me.

That said, if you see me this week, check out my new slacks. Love 'em.