Make Me SMALL

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So, a couple of significant things happened this past Tuesday.

First, there was a midterm election that will have a huge impact on the direction of our country for the next couple years.

And second, I went to the hospital and came home without a uterus.

The first event affects the entire nation. The second affects me and a bunch of people around me.

The first has filled me for weeks with intense frustration and profound discouragement about the state of our world and even of the church.

The second is reminding me that God is still there and still good and so are his people.

It’s only been a couple days, but I seem to be healing well. Once the doctor actually got inside me, she found more bad stuff in there than we were aware of, so it was a good thing we didn’t put this off like I was seriously considering. A God thing.

People messaged me all day Tuesday and have kept messaging me with prayers for a safe procedure and a smooth recovery.

My two sisters and two daughters all adjusted things in their lives to take shifts and come stay with me for the next three weeks.

I have friends bringing me food almost until Christmas, plus some Door Dash gift cards that will definitely come in handy.

My classes are covered, including the Christmas program my Drama class performs in.

Before I left, I offered to pray while on leave for any requests my students gave me . . . and I’m moved by how many kids wrote prayers for me on their cards.

I mean, y’all, everything is so stinkin’ good. Yes, I’m still moving slowly. And yes, I have a monstrous hospital bill I’ll be paying off for a couple years. And yes, the country is divided and stupid and ridiculous and infuriating. And yes, I still have students not understanding verb phrases. And yes, I’ll be dependent on others to drive me and lift things for me for a few weeks.

But God is so good. I sit here in my comfortable love seat with the sun shining in the window and blueberry muffins on the kitchen counter and books I get to read for the next few weeks . . .

. . . and I can’t get over how much I feel God and his goodness right now.

I read last week about Saint Thérèse of Lisieux and her “Little Way”. The way of “trust and absolute surrender . . . to expect everything from God as a little child expects everything from its father.” Her sister described it as “the art of becoming smaller and smaller so that God would accept full responsibility for her.”

I read this book five years ago and didn’t understand that at all. It’s making more sense now.

Jesus, make me small so you can be big. Bigger than politics and elections and lies and betrayal. As big as community and prayers and love and shared meals. Thank you for being BIG . . . and so, so good.


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