Make Me SMALL

-

So, a couple of significant things happened this past Tuesday.

First, there was a midterm election that will have a huge impact on the direction of our country for the next couple years.

And second, I went to the hospital and came home without a uterus.

The first event affects the entire nation. The second affects me and a bunch of people around me.

The first has filled me for weeks with intense frustration and profound discouragement about the state of our world and even of the church.

The second is reminding me that God is still there and still good and so are his people.

It’s only been a couple days, but I seem to be healing well. Once the doctor actually got inside me, she found more bad stuff in there than we were aware of, so it was a good thing we didn’t put this off like I was seriously considering. A God thing.

People messaged me all day Tuesday and have kept messaging me with prayers for a safe procedure and a smooth recovery.

My two sisters and two daughters all adjusted things in their lives to take shifts and come stay with me for the next three weeks.

I have friends bringing me food almost until Christmas, plus some Door Dash gift cards that will definitely come in handy.

My classes are covered, including the Christmas program my Drama class performs in.

Before I left, I offered to pray while on leave for any requests my students gave me . . . and I’m moved by how many kids wrote prayers for me on their cards.

I mean, y’all, everything is so stinkin’ good. Yes, I’m still moving slowly. And yes, I have a monstrous hospital bill I’ll be paying off for a couple years. And yes, the country is divided and stupid and ridiculous and infuriating. And yes, I still have students not understanding verb phrases. And yes, I’ll be dependent on others to drive me and lift things for me for a few weeks.

But God is so good. I sit here in my comfortable love seat with the sun shining in the window and blueberry muffins on the kitchen counter and books I get to read for the next few weeks . . .

. . . and I can’t get over how much I feel God and his goodness right now.

I read last week about Saint Thérèse of Lisieux and her “Little Way”. The way of “trust and absolute surrender . . . to expect everything from God as a little child expects everything from its father.” Her sister described it as “the art of becoming smaller and smaller so that God would accept full responsibility for her.”

I read this book five years ago and didn’t understand that at all. It’s making more sense now.

Jesus, make me small so you can be big. Bigger than politics and elections and lies and betrayal. As big as community and prayers and love and shared meals. Thank you for being BIG . . . and so, so good.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

This One Person

-
Image
Y’all, God has blessed me with really good people in my life. People who love me, support me, appreciate me, and go out of their way for me. The gifts and kind words and all-day-long singing I received on my birthday last week were small examples of that. Seriously, friends . . . how do I deserve you? So many good people. So, I really shouldn’t give as much attention as I do to the one exception, right? One person. There’s just this one person . They are a constant burr in my saddle these days. They make my life harder – and if this isn’t intentional on their part, or at least passive aggressive, it is most certainly selfish. In almost everything they do, they seem to communicate a lack of respect for me.  It’s only one person. Why do I let this one person affect me so much? We’ve all got our baggage, you know. I’ve shared some of mine before here in this blog. One particular parcel I tote around unseen is an unspoken message I’ve heard in my heart since childhood – particula
Read more

Life is People-y

-
Image
I love my job. Really, I really, really do. But my place of employment has had a few rocky years. Every once in a while, we come to a point where I say to myself, Okay, time for a fresh start. The old issues are over. The people who were discontented have left or are appeased. Now we can move forward and have peace. Bu-u-ut no. There’s always something. I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that even though I love my job, there will always be stressors I’m dealing with. Because as my colleague says, it’s a very people-y job. And people are . . . well, people . People are wounded. Everyone has been damaged by someone and bears the scars. And that damage often bleeds out in our behavior toward others. People are fearful. They are afraid of making mistakes. They are afraid of saying the wrong thing. They are afraid of confrontation. They are afraid of burning bridges. They are afraid of being labeled and unliked. People are selfish. Even when they want to be self-less, they
Read more

Hopeful Reality

-
Image
This past July, I spent a couple crazy weeks working at Crystal Sea Drama Company (which I casually refer to as “my theater” because I've spent so much time there over the past decade). It was the year for our New Play Festival, which I’ve said many times is the best thing we do. CSDC students wrote the plays, CSDC alumni directed the plays, and CSDC campers performed the plays. Last fall, I taught the playwriting class preparing for this big event. There were six girls in the class – more than I’ve ever had for a playwriting class. They were all writers already. Most of them had novels in progress, and some of them had two or three they were working on. But writing a play . . . that’s a different kettle of fish, they learned. And it was a fun few months working with them in that endeavor. I was proud of the work they ended the semester with. Only three of them chose to have their plays performed in the festival, which was fine. But not until we were rehearsing this summer did
Read more

INFECTION

-
Image
Y’all, I’ve had two colds in the past three months. That doesn’t sound like a big deal, but for me it can be. If I don’t treat my colds early and effectively, they grow into monsters that do me in for a month or more. That’s what happened in June. I came home from a trip sick. I mean, sick . Sicker than I’ve been for a long time. And that cold progressed into a wicked chest cough that hung around for the rest of the month, even after my doctor prescribed an antibiotic and a heavy-duty cough suppressant (which wasn’t cheap, let me tell you). I mean, people, IT SUCKS. Then the first morning of the second week of school, I woke up with the inkling of soreness in my throat and felt a bit of panic. Thankfully, because I was home this time at that first hint of a symptom, I was able to start taking my Zinc, Selenium, and Vitamin C immediately. That’s my happy little cocktail that seems to kick these little infections out the door if I start it early. The cold came . . . but it was very m
Read more