Already In the Boat

This is going to sound like bragging, I’m afraid. I’m not bragging. I’m not boastful or prideful about this at all. I’m just in wonder at it.

A father spoke at our school’s chapel service this week. He told the story about Jesus calming the storm (he wore a life jacket and used an oar – this dad knows his audience). And he expressed frustration at the disciples freaking out over the storm rather than waking up Jesus who was sleeping in the boat. Why didn’t they turn to him first? he questioned. And why don’t we?

And that’s when I realized . . . I do turn to God first. I didn't used to, but I do now. When I have problems in my life – big ones or small ones – God really is the first person I’m talking to, at least more often than not. Somehow over the years, I’ve grown into the sense of being in constant conversation with God. Not quite the way Brother Lawrence did it in The Practice of the Presence of God (Kolin mentioned him during chapel, too), but yeah . . . it’s like he’s always on the line for communication in either direction.

I’m really not bragging, friends, because this was not my doing. I’m not even sure exactly how I got here.

Except that I’ve been so desperate for God so often. So much in need. So helpless. So confused. So angry at him even. So aware that he is the only one who can do anything about the situation I’m in.

And I think that’s how I got here. Brother Lawrence was apparently able to just discipline himself into constant conversation with the Lord. Maybe that’s easier in a monastery. But I don’t live in a monastery, and it took heavy trials to get me to this point in our relationship. And I suspect that’s how it is for most of us living in the real world, unfortunately.

I wish it wasn’t that way. Because I look at friends and especially at my children and want this kind of relationship with God for them . . . but I don’t want them to have to go through the crap I did to get here.

In a parent meeting recently at our school (which I wasn’t present for but heard about later), a mom shared an insight she had lately: that when she is protecting her child from hard things, she is preventing them from learning how to lean on the Lord.

Ohhhh . . . what a wise momma.

Our kids do need protection from some things, of course. But it takes a lot of discernment to find that line between protection and over-sheltering – and society these days really stinks at finding that line.

Honestly, that’s possibly an "advantage" to the kids being grown and gone: I can’t protect them anymore. I can come beside them the best I can to help carry the load, the way friends have done for me over the years. But I am so, so aware that they are completely in God's hands. Really, the best thing I can do is pray for them. And although I do pray for them to be protected from trials, I know that trials are going to come.

So my biggest prayer is that they know him intimately. That when the storms come, their first instinct is to turn to Jesus . . . who is already sitting in the boat with them.