My Old Eyes

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So, I was driving to school on the Friday before spring break and happened to be looking at myself in the rearview mirror for some reason. And I looked odd.

I mean, more odd than usual.

It took me a minute – I kept glancing back at myself trying to figure out why I didn’t look right today. And I thought through my morning routine to see if there was something I missed. Ohhhh, wait. Did I put eyeliner on? Another quick glance: nope. I did not.

Oh, well.

I’d like to say that was my response: Oh, well. I tried to offer that response to the situation. But try as I might, I couldn’t oh-well my unadorned eyes. I looked weird. At least I looked weird to myself.

No one will notice, I thought. I bet half the time my eyeliner all wears off before the end of the day anyway. No one will notice, and no one will care.

But I kept glancing at the mirror and being annoyed at my eyes.

I don’t have time to go back home now. Besides, it is ridiculous to go home for eyeliner. No one will notice. No one will care.

But I kept noticing.

And I’m going straight to the theater after this – I won’t want to be there without eyeliner on. I’m the director. I wear a little badge saying so. People will be looking at me.

No one will care, Gwen!

But dang it, I care.

Why? Why in the world do I care about this small detail about my eyes? Because when I don’t have eyeliner on, I look older. My eyes don’t look as bright or interesting or interested. They look more tired. More plain. At least, I think I look that way. Again, I suspect nobody else in the world would say so -- at least no one whose opinion matters to me.

I’m not going home for eyeliner. Maybe there’s eyeliner I can borrow at the theater . . . but NO. I don’t need to borrow eyeliner. I need to just . . .

WAIT.

I think I have an old eyeliner pencil in my purse. With one hand on the steering wheel, I dig with my other in some hidden pockets and . . . yes! At a stoplight, I deftly lean over and apply the eyeliner to my old eyes.

That’s better.

But why?

My daughters will absolutely roll their eyes when they read this. They are always telling me I don’t need makeup, that I look beautiful even without it. They’re sweet. Maybe I’ll believe them one of these days.

I got there with my gray hair. I suppose there’s hope for my old eyes.

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