Freedom to Screw Up

My daughters are 23 and 27. Both are at that stage in early adulthood when they are trying to figure out what they’re supposed to do with their lives – and one daughter’s boyfriend is in that place, too. All three of them know themselves well; they know their skills, their passions, their weaknesses, their strengths. They have a general sense of the kind of work God made them for. And I’m quite grateful for that – they’re already steps ahead of many young people their age.

Now, my ex and I both feel very strongly about the girls not getting stuck in careers that are not fulfilling to them, and I think we both communicate that to them. I love what Dorothy Sayers once said:

Work is not, primarily, a thing one does to live but the thing one lives to do. It is, or it should be, the full expression of the worker’s faculties, the thing in which he finds spiritual, mental, and bodily satisfaction, and the medium in which he offers himself to God.  (emphasis mine)

Yes, Dorothy. That’s how it should be.

The president of Boeing in Wichita was a member of my church growing up, and he spoke once during a “career week” thing for our youth group. Because he was nearing retirement age, people kept asking him what he was going to do when he didn’t have to work and could do whatever he wanted. He didn’t know what to say to that. “What if the thing I most love to do is my work?” That stuck with me; that was impressive. That’s a great place to be.

And that’s what I want for my girls. Find work that you’re passionate about, that builds you up and fills you up, that you’re excited to do and gets you out of bed in the morning! Work that God calls you to and blesses and uses for his kingdom. I don’t want them to have to drag themselves through their weekday nine-to-fives in drudgery just to pay the rent.

Nevertheless, they DO need to pay the rent. Like, right now – this month. They need to feed their bodies, fill the cars with gas . . . they have to have income. This isn’t an option. 

Unfortunately, the search for your “calling” takes time. And it’s not always a straight road. I think I’ve always known that I was meant to teach, but that took a variety of forms over the years: VBS volunteering, Sunday School substituting, homeschooling, scrapbook workshops, online English classes to Chinese kids, directing plays, even writing a blog. Only now do I have the sense of really being in my sweet spot, right where God wants me and is using me well.

And the truth is, that may change again. He may have something else entirely for me in the future.

Mid-twenties is a hard place to be. Finding that balance between having the courage to pursue a dream and having the wisdom to do the no-fun necessary stuff. 

I help with the online streaming of our Sunday morning worship service. Last week, there was a problem getting the online platform to work right. Fortunately, the church's tech person was there to show me what to do (unplug it and plug it back in again -- of course! -- but I didn't even know where all the plugs were until he showed me). It was good that the screw-up happened last week . . . because this week, the tech person was out of town, and I was on my own. I didn't end up having that same problem, but if I had, I'd have known what to do. I've got more confidence now. In fact, every screw-up that happens in the streaming room builds my confidence.

I want my young people to have the freedom for screw-ups. Sometimes it’s good to make those mistakes early in the process. It helps us trust that God’s actually got us in his hands . . . it teaches us the skills to recover from a crash . . .  and it helps us develop the maturity to learn from life experiences rather than fear them or sit around regretting them.

So, I’m trying to encourage my young people to hold this “career” idea with an open hand. It's okay if you mess up. It's okay if you have to backtrack and start again. And it’s okay if you feel like you’re dancing around that sweet spot for a while, just bringing in cash to buy the groceries. God will use it all.