Three Things That are Important

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 Last week, my girls and I traveled back to Kansas – the first time we’ve seen these loved ones since Christmas 2019, pre-pandemic. It was a good trip. An exhausting trip. But a meaningful trip. And it served to remind me of a few things:

1)     The importance of family. This should be one for the “duh” file, as Jay Leno says. But sometimes proximity breeds triviality – sometimes we have to experience a loss or gap to appreciate value. It’s not like I forgot that my family was important, but being separated for a while brought that more into focus. I gather that a lot of people can relate to that sentiment this year. 

2)     The importance of story. Many of the stories shared last week were recent ones, catching up on life from the last year and a half. It’s been an eventful time in history, collective and personal. 

But talking took a priority on this visit, so there were also tales that delved deeper . . . that connected us to our roots . . . that reminded us of where we come from and what made us who we are. I heard stories I hadn’t heard before. I heard stories that pulled together varied details of my history and made things make sense. I heard stories that revealed hearts and minds and souls in a way I hadn’t perceived before. We really need to shut technology off more – we need empty space in our lives for thought, for wonder, and for stories.

 3)     The importance of truth-telling. Not just telling the truth – as in, the opposite of telling lies. I mean, Lord knows, that’s important, too. Secrets and lies have become anathema in our home. We are all the more aware these days that honesty has always been the best policy. 

But I’m also talking about telling your truth. And I’m betting I have some friends whose dander just got “upped” by that phrase because mine would have been until recently. Hear me out, folks. Truth is truth, and I do believe there is such a thing as objective truth. But I suspect that objective truth is elusive enough to be of little practical use when we’re talking about connecting with people. 

On the other hand, understanding one another’s subjective truth is imperative. I must understand how my daughters have experienced my divorce if we are going to have meaningful relationships. It doesn’t matter if I think their perspective is accurate; my perspective is probably not entirely accurate either. If the goal is relationship – if the goal is connection – if the goal is LOVE (and that should always be the goal), then bond-building comes before reality-checking. I first need to see it all through their eyes and embrace them in the midst of their point of view.

As a teaching colleague says frequently, people won’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

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