Say That to my Face

 A paraphrase of an exchange I overheard recently:

Two people accidentally happened upon a political topic during a casual conversation. The pair have similar political leanings and even had similar stances on this particular issue. Yet, one was troubled greatly by the rhetoric used by the other in the discussion.

A: “I’m not arguing your point – I’m saying that the way you are saying it is rude. It’s insulting to the other side.”

B: “But I’m not talking to the other side. I’m talking to you.”

A: “That doesn’t matter! It’s still not okay!”

B: “Why not?”

And there’s where Person A was kind of stumped. She didn’t understand why that concept would even require explanation. I, too, was stymied for a moment; I wasn’t sure how to make the case for something that seemed so obvious to me.

Folks, you shouldn’t make broad, insulting generalizations. “Republicans are racist.” “Democrats are socialists.” I mean, whether the people you are talking about are present to hear you or not, you just shouldn’t say stuff like that. Is this not obvious? For one thing, I’m now less likely to give credence to the point you’re making; such statements call your reasoning into question (see “Hasty Generalization Fallacy”). But worse, I contend they call your heart into question.

“But I don’t think that badly about my opposition as people; I just disagree with their policies.” Then say that. Be accurate with your words. Words matter.

“But I would never say it this way to their face. And YOU know what I mean.” It’s still not okay. Words have power. The more you speak the words, the more true they will feel.

I have something in common with Person A: we’ve both spent time this past year in political conversations with someone we really like with whom we disagree. Face to face conversations – not an exchange of comments on social media. Yes, social media has its place. I’ve always made an intentional point of having Facebook friends from a variety of viewpoints so that I am hearing things from different sides. But this face to face conversation business is a whole ‘nother ball game.

When I’m looking into actual eyes while I speak, I’m not crafting a brainy response to an abstract idea; I’m responding to the heart of a person God has called me to love. I stop obsessing over how this concept plays out in my life and start considering how it plays out in theirs. It gets personal – in a good way. It needs to get personal. Our “opponents” are people. Children of God.

We don't need so much Twitter time. What we need is table time.