Mystery Me

People, we are stunningly close to the end of the school year. It’s April 23^rd. My last actual instructional period with my students is May 11th. I give my last semester final on May 18th. My last teacher workday for the semester is May 21st. That's less than a month away. 

Summer is in sight, brothers and sisters. And beckoning me with sweet promises of rest and release.

Although I don’t really take the summer off. As middle school department head, I actually have some duty days in June and July. Plus, summer is when I have the time to remember why I teach what I teach and re-think how I want to teach it all. But I don’t really complain about working over the summer because I like that stuff. I’m a big picture person; I like having the time and space to back up and get the wide-angle perspective on what I’m doing and then focus back in on the areas where I want to improve.

Nevertheless, I still end up with a lot of “free time” over the summer. Well, usually. Last summer was pretty hellish. Between divorcing and selling a house and moving to a rental and surviving a pandemic, I was barely staying afloat for the three months after the last school year ended. (I suspect that was a big factor in how difficult this school year was for me – I had no Debrief and Rebuild sessions.)

So, I’m REALLY looking forward to this break, and I’m already making some plans. I’ve got a couple things I’m doing at the theatre. I’m making two trips to see loved ones I haven’t seen in forever. And then beyond that . . .

. . . well, there’s the question.

Recently, Facebook pulled up a quote from Henri Nouwen that I apparently posted a few years ago: “Who are we when there is nothing to keep us busy?”

[insert blank stare here]

I don’t know, Henri.

I just don’t know.

I’m in an interesting stage in my life at the moment: I’m 52 years old and figuring out who I am. My girls are adults now . . . so who am I when I’m not mothering 24/7? My marriage has ended . . . so who am I when I’m not someone’s wife? People have asked me what my goals are for my future. I have no bloody clue – I haven’t had the option of thinking that way about my life before. I had duties; I didn’t have a lot of choices. I had a plethora of shoulds; I had little freedom to perceive the wants.

And now when I consider the possibility of, like, a whole week with nothing but “me time” . . . well, me and my wants are still a bit of a mystery.

Again, I’m not complaining. Just curious to get to know this new chick that showed up in my house this year.

I think I’ll start with reading. That sounds like a Gwen thing to do.